What Really Matters
When I think about families that homeschooled 20 – 25 years ago without access to the Internet and all the vast resources we now use, I could make myself break into a cold sweat! The flip side of that is the sheer amount of information out there can cause another variety of emotions and questions. “What curriculum should we use? What’s the best teaching style? Should we have a “school room” or just wing it in the living room and kitchen? What are work boxes/lapbooks/etc? Do I get outside help for a foreign language? Should we put the kids in community sports?” These are all good questions that need to be worked out based on your family dynamic.
I love to look at blogs from other homeschool families because there are so many great ideas and resources to be found. The road you can’t let yourself go down is the one where you compare your schooling to what you see on other family blogs. I have seen some wonderful moms really beat themselves up because they “aren’t like so and so from XYZ blog” or saying things like, “I wish I could be like so and so and do everything she is able to do.” From there they are ready to throw in the towel because they have lost sight of why they homeschool. Remember that blogs are under the complete control of the author (I say this as a blog owner). They are only putting up what they want to share with the world, so don’t beat yourself up. You are only responsible for your family.
If you are running around worried that you aren’t getting every little thing right, that you might have made a mistake or that you aren’t as creative as other moms – then this post is for you. I ask you to stop and take some time to look at your family – really look. Contemplate what really matters for them and your homeschooling. If that means you need to take a week or two off and do some fun stuff, then do it! If you need to ask for some help so you can get a day away to re-assess your situation, then do it! If you need to completely step back from looking at other people’s blogs for a while, then do it! If you need to tell some family members to get off your back about your decision, then do it!
Now ask yourself – what really matters for your homeschool? What is the big picture? What matters the most and what do you need to let go of? Maybe you need to just get rid of a curriculum that isn’t working. Maybe you need to take away a subject or two for a while and concentrate on less. Maybe you have set too rigid a schedule or tried to recreate public school in your home. Maybe all of this has left the kids as stressed as you are.
Perhaps it’s just that you need to take some time to think about why you decided to homeschool in the first place. Who knows your kids better than you? Nobody. Who wants the best possible education for your children? You. Who else has the time and desire to pour so much love into your children? You. Who can go at the pace your children need without slowing down or speeding up based on 19 other kids? You. If your child wants to learn every possible thing about trains, who can give them the materials and time to do it? You.
My husband and I decided to homeschool long before we had children. We had a wide variety of reasons for this which we agreed on long before the time for teaching arrived. Our belief in God and this responsibility of parenting that He has given us is central to why we homeschool. God affects our view of everything and He is the center of our life. He is not a separate subject – He is the creator of math and science and He infuses all of history. If we sent our kids to public school then we would be sending them into a place 40 hours a week where God has been stripped away. Whether anyone else agrees with us or not doesn’t matter. We are responsible for our children and their education.
What is your family’s reason to homeschool? What matters most in your homeschool? Answer those questions to your own satisfaction and you will be well on your way to a successful homeschooling experience and better equipped to move forward.
The questions that you ask are great. No two homeschools will (or should) look alike. That is one of the benefits of teaching your children at home. Seeking wisdom from God is the key. As someone who is in her 20-something year of homeschooling, let me assure you that all that you mentioned (except reading blogs and the plethora of curriculum) was present back when I started. People still compared themselves – often to sources like “The Teaching Home” or other homeschoolers in their area. We are human and that hasn’t changed! Every generation has to seek God to know what is best for their individual family.
Thanks Marilyn – I love to hear the opinion of someone who is much farther along in this journey than I am.
Great post! I find myself sometimes comparing myself to other homeschoolers or wondering why MY KIDS aren’t doing the same stuff this family is doing. It’s those times where I have to take a few minutes and remind myself that the kids ARE learning in the way that works for us. (Most days! LOL) Blogs are just a SMALL snippet of what happens every week…and most don’t include the “challenging” moments, but we all have them.
Jenny – indeed! that is why I talked about the “blog owner” thing. but maybe I should start putting up the 2 year old temper tantrum photos 🙂
LouAnne,
This is a most excellent article, and the issues you have raised are at the heart of every homeschool adventure. Whether or not people choose to address them can honestly be the difference between stability, focus and peace, vs. comparison, second guessing and constant change.
Knowing your “why”, your personal objectives, and your families needs and personality, are the foundation upon which you are building all else!
Great insights. Thank you. XO, ;0)
Thanks Teri
Thanks for this reminder! As a homeschooling mom for 14 years I have had to go back to these foundational questions many time through the years. I think most of us chose to homeschool to create the learning environment we wanted for our children and not copy someone else’s desires. Yet, the pull of comparison always makes us questions ourselves. Having finished schooling with 2 of my children (3 more to go) I’m pleased with my why 🙂 Thanks again for sharing!!
Susan – great!
Wonderful article!! I think the Comparison Trap is one of the biggest reasons people stop homeschooling. We forget one of the main reasons that we started in the first place: Our kids are individuals, and not only will our homeschool NEVER look like someone else’s, it SHOULDN’T! Thanks for the reminder!
Kristi – I want to use that phrase “Comparison Trap”
Feel free! 😉
Good post, especially on a day the girls and I cut short our studies for some crafts when my oldest daughter popped over to be creative with us. It’s the kind of flexiblility to work fun into our time together and make mom less of a taskmaster, and a big part of our choice to homeschool.
And you’re right about not comparing with people who can post their supermom style on blogs, without us seeing that in reality we all have good days and challenging days.
Lynda – I totally agree that flexibility is huge!
Louanne,
The timing of your article is perfect. It goes along with something else I am reading about evaluating your goals, deciding what it truly important and eliminating things that get in the way. I have definitely been overwhelmed with all the information out there regarding homeschooling, especially since my husband and I are just starting. I am beginning to think it is much like our adoption process was very scary at first and when it’s broken down it wasn’t so bad. Thank you for your advice and friendship. I’m truly blessed to call you friend.
Jenny
Hugs to you my friend!!
Well written and well said dear friend!! I compared ALOT at the beginning of our homeschooling journey. But as time went on I realize what works for us and what doesn’t.
But I sure appreciate and LOVE people in my life who are artsy and creative (like yourself!) and give me fresh ideas for the new littles I now get to teach! (like the neat truth in tinsel that is printing out as I write this!)
Blessings to you on your journey and keep up the great job of making school “fun” and giving the girls a love of learning. Once they “get” that schooling goes so much better!
Lynnea 🙂
Thanks! I needed this today. I posted a link back on my blog. (I don’t have any followers, but maybe someone will stumble across it! LOL!)