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Snapshots of a Mother’s Cancer Experience — Pt 9: Trust Me

When I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer in 2000, I came face-to-face with my own mortality—and learned some profound lessons that transformed my view of reality. I would never sign up for my cancer experience, but neither would I trade away the treasures mined from it.

Above all, I learned to live with the awareness that we all really do have an impending, inescapable appointment awaiting us. We all have an appointment with God. No matter how busy or distracted we are or how distant that appointment may seem, one telephone call can change everything.

My call came when I was a 40-year-old mother of two preschool children and a happily married wife. The following post is Part 9 in “Snapshots of a Mother’s Cancer Experience,” a series that chronicles my journey through diagnosis, surgery, and beyond. (You can find a chronological list of the previous Snapshots here.)

cancer experience

2000
Sunday, July 30
at the Morning Service

Truth be told, it’s been a long time since I’ve sat in a church and heard God speaking directly to me through the service.

But that’s what just happened.

Between worship songs, church vocalist Paul Langford applied Psalm 46  to those of us in the midst of a trial. Speaking as if for God, he said, “I know all the things that are going on in your life. I care about you. I love you completely, and I have the power and the ability to help you deal with whatever it is that you’re facing. I may not take this problem away, but I’ll walk through this time with you. Trust me. Ask for help.”

It feels as if every facet of this service has been hand-crafted for us … by immensely gentle hands.

When 15-month-old Ryan starts fidgeting, I leave the church’s main auditorium for The Mother’s Room, a small room off the main lobby. Because this is the 11:15 a.m. service—the most highly attended of four weekend services—there is only one seat open among the rows of rocking chairs occupied by nursing mothers. Yet it “just happens” that my dear friend and fellow prayer warrior Joelle sits beside the one empty seat.

Yes. I trust Him.

♥ ♥ ♥

cancer experience

2000
Sunday, July 30
afternoon

After church, I continue to marvel over the message.

It’s a bit overcast with a moist July breeze. I’m seated at our patio table beside my dear friends, Brian and Patty, and my dear sister Tobey. A fragrant bouquet of yellow roses from Brian adorns our table. Roger serves coffee, juice, and slices of cinnamon pecan coffee cake. Sweat from my juice glass drips onto my legs as I drink.

Patty looks sad and frightened. Brian is characteristically attentive and reserved. Tobey offers to move in with us if we need her. Our boys wander off, delighted with the bananas and avocados from Auntie Tobey.

We laugh. Cry. Pray. And speculate. I’m struck by the sense that soon I may see Jesus.

Face. to. face.

And that thrills me.

The hope of heaven is very real to me right now. Yet my excitement is braided with grief and despair at the thought of leaving my loved ones—especially my servant-hearted husband and sweet babies.

♥ ♥ ♥

Have you faced (or are you facing) a serious health situation? We would love to pray for you. Come back next Monday to read more. And in the mean time, we would love to hear from you!

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