Our Culture and Homeschooling
As a homeschool family you will find things that can be a struggle. You may have a small budget for curriculum; in that case you can buy used and borrow from others. The library and free resources on the Internet can become your best homeschool friends. You may have trouble getting into a routine and need to assess if you should do school first thing in the morning, afternoon or in the evening. You may be in a state with strict rules that require lots of documentation and visits from social workers (or the equivalent) who want to pry into your family’s life. All of those can add stress to your family life, but they are all things that can be solved. What I am starting to see as the biggest struggle for families is how our culture views homeschooling and how badly family and close friends can try to make them feel because they aren’t following the “norms of our culture.”
Today the average person sends their kids to public school, or to a private school if they can afford it. No doubt there are a growing number of families moving to homeschooling their children, but over and over I hear and read about how poorly people are treated when they decide to homeschool. Why does that happen? With about 1 million children being homeschooled across the US, there is no danger of public schools being put out of commission and millions of teachers losing their jobs, even though homeschooled children typically outperform others in most areas. Further, considering the fact that for all of history virtually every child was taught at home, why all the disapproval if it isn’t motivated by the simple perception that you are violating some sort of cultural norm? There is no rational or reasonable argument against it that can be backed up by any relevant data. The only thing that is left is culture and tradition. Sending your kids to school is simply “what you do,” therefore not doing it must be bad.
I have actually been told by friends and family who are public school teachers that they think we are doing a good thing by homeschooling our girls. National polls consistently indicate the following as a prioritized list of problems facing public schools: lack of financial support, drug use, lack of discipline, violence, poor curriculum standards, overcrowding, quality of teachers, parents lack of interest, truancy, moral standards, and low teacher pay. Despite this, people are still frequently criticized for choosing a different option. People often feel the need to tell an anecdotal story of “a weird homeschool kid” they know and how they “lack social skills.” How often do you blame the school system when you meet an anti-social kid who goes to public school? I never do. I mean why would I blame the school system for a child’s social skills? So why is it acceptable in our culture to criticize homeschooling based on the one kid or one family you know?
For the parents facing the pressure of family and friends questioning your decision, remember that you have your children’s best interests backing your decision. Most of all remember that you are not alone. Some of the greatest achievements in history have come from those who were willing to stand up and go against the cultural norms.
When it’s the people who are really close to you who are questioning your education choices, you can take the time to educate them about what homeschooling really is and that you aren’t depriving your children of anything. You can educate them on the benefits of more family time, the ability to teach your children from your religious or world view, ability to focus on the subjects they are interested in or dedicate more time to the areas they struggle with.
What do you do when strangers say to your children, “Why aren’t you in school?” Then they turn to you and start asking all kinds of invasive questions. How do you respond? What words do you have to encourage homeschool parents who are struggling with the pressure from our culture?
Great article! When someone asks my third grader why she’s not in school, I sit back and allow her to answer in her own words. And almost everyone follows with, “You homeschool?! Do you like it?” And their tone implies that she shouldn’t. :/ It never bothers me. My children are too special to me for the one-size-fits-all public/private school system. I love being with them and educating them, and I feel they deserve to be educated without having to pay the price of the list you noted: lack of financial support, drug use, etc. Thanks for this article.
So many people send their kids off to “school” each day blindly because it is the EASIEST thing to do. Let someone else teach the kids. Corral the kids. Manage the behavior. Teach the difficult things.
For those of us who choose to homeschool we are choosing the harder thing, yes – but the one with the biggest rewards.
I LOVE this!!!!
Every single bit is true and I can’t count how many times I said “Amen!” at the end of your sentences 🙂
Your article is so affirming to those of us that have made the choice to homeschool, yet I’m sure it’s also thought provoking for others.
Thank you for writing this.
My pleasure.
When we are out and about during school hours someone is almost sure to say “no school today?” My kids have finally learned to answer the question without looking at me for advice (they are 14 and 13): “we are homeschooled.” I almost always get a positive response. Sometimes people ask a question or two; we always just answer pleasantly and they respond in kind. We’ve had some really nice conversations with people.
To homeschooling parents who are struggling with our culture I would say: stay strong. Be clear about your own reasons for homeschooling and don’t apologize for them. Recognize that all parents make choices for their children and know that homeschooling is the best choice for your family. Your children are your responsibility and as long as both parents agree about homeschooling, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Including the grandparents. 🙂
My daughter is 3 and we’re considering homeschooling, so I don’t have a lot of experience to speak from, but I have to wonder how many of those “weird, poor social skills homeschooled kids” that people say they’ve known were actually being homeschooled because their social difficulties made public/private school a bad fit for them?
Great point.
I was quizzed this weekend by two young ladies that are at the end of college, getting married age. I hope that was able to answer their questions without scaring them off. I could tell the younger gal was very interested in what I was saying, and the older gal looked at me like I was growing a unicorn horn out of my head. It is hard to find a way to say that this was right for my family, and not sound condescending.
I needed this! We are just starting to homeschool and let’s say it hasn’t gone over well with almost anyone! Family, friends, and fellow church members are all skeptics. “Why” in the world would we want to do that??? I’m printing your article so I can read it everytime someone gets down on us for homeschooling! Thanks so much!!!
Heather – I am so happy that it encouraged you so much.
I’ve found that the more confident I am in my responses to questions from strangers, the less negativity I get from them in return. There’s something about a confident answer that discourages further questioning.
I truly believe that most of the negativity we get on a day-to-day basis is caused by the culture’s lack of understanding of what homeschooling is. Few families think of home as a good place to be during the day, and it’s simply beyond their imaginations that home could be a place where you *do* stuff, rather than the place you go when you’re *finished* doing stuff. In looking at their own home lives to discern what ours must be, their imaginations fail and they envision the same emptiness of purpose in our homeschools as they have in their own homes. Once they get past the blankness by getting to know what exactly it is we’re doing, the negativity almost always vanishes.
We are in our first year of homeschooling: kindergarten for the firstborn! I happen to have a degree in education and my husband is a public school teacher. When his colleagues or students’ parents ask if our son is in school yet, my husband always responds with a witty “Yes, we’re doing Parent-Led Differentiaed Education.” He likes to joke that public education circles LOVE to make up fancy titles for things already in place (especially things that have been happening in homeschooling forever and a day). One of these fancy titles is “differentiated education,” meaning that teachers look to meet the individual learning needs of each child (sound familiar?!). It always takes someone a few seconds to think about it, then question if we’re homeschooling. And in most cases, no one is ever negative about it because he has used familiar and positive “lingo.” We have been very fortunate to only meet positive responses so far from anyone who asks about our schooling journey.
This made my husband and I laugh out loud. Thanks.
My DD (just turned 7) has started answering back with “They don’t teach Algebra and Greek in 2nd grade at school like we do at home, so I’d be SOOOOOO bored!”
I figure she’s probably their next anecdote,but it does shut down the questioning really, really fast
One of my friends has a father who is a retired public school principal, and he was going off on homeschooling one night. She turned to him and said “You know S’s friend A (my DD)? She attends a very, very small private school, with a low teacher-student ratio, where her entire program is tailored to her needs, and it’s wonderful”. His response was “That sounds great-why don’t you enroll S.” Her response is “A’s homeschooled-and I wish I could!”
Great story!
I love this story!
I was warned about this mentality when I decided to homeschool. My son went to public school for Kinder & 1st. When asked by his 1st grade teacher if I was going to place my son in the GATE program for 2nd grade, I hesitated…and then responded,”No, we decided to homeschool.” The teacher’s response? “Good for you! You’ll do great and he will finally be able to learn at his level!!” When my son is asked why he isn’t in school, he responds that he’s doing school RIGHT NOW…can’t they tell? But for the most part, no one asks invasive questions. I never got the horror stories from strangers that others did. I haven’t been criticized for our decision. And I live in California!! If anything, people have been massively curious…
Great post! Great responses! I might have to steal a few of them. 🙂
I swear you had written this article just for me! My parents are very supportive but my husbands is not. All three of his sisters are/were public school teachers and take it as a personal affront that we have chosen to homeschool. Thank you so much for writing this, I REALLY needed it!