Follow Your Dreams, Mom

by Tricia Goyer

When I first started homeschooling my three kids (ages 6, 3, and 1) in 1995, I thought my life from that moment would always be about homeschooling. I pictured all of my time (or at least most of it) shaping my children’s education. I scheduled my day in 15-minute increments and did my best to stick to it. What I didn’t know was that over the years God would call me to follow my own dreams. What I also didn’t realize was my kids would benefit from that.

It all started when I attended the Mt. Hermon Writer’s Conference with a friend. Being there with industry professionals made writing for publication seem possible. Classes taught me how to be published. The love, prayers and support of published authors and editors brought people into my life who believed in me and prodded me to follow God’s dreams. It didn’t matter to them that I was a young, homeschooling mom who hadn’t even finished college.

At first I felt guilty following my dreams. I’d homeschool in the morning and then in the afternoon I’d set aside a few hours to write while my children played. Those early years, I wrote articles and ideas for novels as Barney played on the television. At least a dozen times during those two hours my kids would ask me for milk, or a snack, or to play with them. I’d offer what I could but then remind them, “This was Mommy’s writing time.” Guilt weighed me down as if Barney the dinosaur sat on my shoulders, and I was sure I was the worst homeschooling mother there was. To combat my guilt I swung the other way and became over committed, making frequent library trips, signing my daughter up for dance lessons and my boys up for sports. It was my husband who urged me to stop the madness. Over the months to come we figured out our priorities:

  1. To provide a godly education for our kids

  2. To sign up each child for one extra-curricular activity a year

  3. To have dinner time as a family

  4. To train our children how to be part of the family unit and do chores

  5. To connect and serve in our local church

  6. To have reading time together as a family at night

  7. To see what God was doing in our lives and follow Him

For me, this last one included following my writing dreams, and as the years past I started getting published—first with articles and later with books. When the kids were 11, 8 and 6, God called me to help start a crisis pregnancy center, too, and to start mentoring teen moms. During that same time my husband started a dynamic children’s ministry at our church.

With each call from God I argued. Lord, what about this homeschooling thing? Shouldn’t I focus more on that? Yes, I was still spending 3-4 hours homeschooling every day, but I’d look around and see my friends pouring 100% of their lives into their kids. I felt I was giving my kids the short end of the stick. Instead of sitting outside working on nature journals, my kids were with me at the pregnancy center folding baby clothes or babysitting for the teen moms. Instead of taking those art classes at the museum, my kids were reading or building Lego forts while I worked at my computer. The more success I had in both arenas, the more I felt torn. Yet the more I prayed about it, I also saw God opening doors. Soon I was traveling out of town to research books and attend conferences, and sometimes I had to drag my kids along. (Poor kids!)


I can’t say when the “ah-ha” moment happened, but over time I began to see how following my dreams benefited my children in numerous ways. For them, they’d say they realized having a mom who wrote books was cool when we got free tickets and backstage passes to a Newboys concert through a writing friend. For me, I’d say it was when I saw my daughter’s compassion for teenage mothers or when I overheard my son telling someone he wanted to write screenplays. They met WWII veterans I was interviewing and traveled all over the US as I researched.



As a mom, I didn’t need to teach my kids that we should follow God’s dreams for us and work hard to share His truth with others. They saw that lived out on a daily basis. Being a servant of God was modeled … and I just thought I was being a slacker for not doing science projects or having them memorize enough spelling words! As time passed, I realized God asked me to follow my dreams not only for the people I served, but also for my kids.



My kids are 22, 19 and 17 now. Cory is married with a newborn son. He’s finishing college, working and writing a novel on the side. Leslie is in her junior year of college and plans on teaching English and doing mission work overseas when she graduates. Nathan is a high school senior, is actively involved in children’s ministry with his dad and he’s also writing a novel. We’ve also adopted a baby girl who is 16 months. I plan on doing many things the same, including homeschooling, serving teen moms and writing … but this time I’m doing it without the guilt. I trust God more now. I trust that if He’s called me to something for Him, He understands how it’ll impact my kids. I trust He sees their futures too. I trust homeschooling isn’t just about books and learning, it’s about serving and following God with everything we have.

So what about you, Mom? Has God placed a dream in your heart or your spouse’s heart? Maybe like me you’re thinking, “I’ll do that after these homeschooling years have passed.” I’d encourage you to reconsider that and go to God in prayer. After all, kids learn far more from our lives than from books. You are your child’s teacher … teach them with your life not just your lesson plan.

© Tricia Goyer, 2011

Tricia Goyer is an acclaimed and prolific writer, publishing hundreds of articles in national magazines including Today’s Christian Woman and Focus on the Family while authoring more than twenty-six fiction and nonfiction books combined. Among those are 3:16 Teen Edition with Max Lucado and the American Christian Fiction Writers’ Book of the Year Award winners Night Song and Dawn of a Thousand Nights. She has also written books on marriage and parenting and contributed notes to the Women of Faith Study Bible. Tricia lives with her husband and four children in Arkansas. You can find out more about her, subscribe to her blog, and see photos of her family at www.triciagoyer.com

You can find Tricia on:
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Twitter: www.twitter.com/triciagoyer
Blog: www.triciagoyer.blogspot.com
Newsletter: http://triciagoyer.com/connect.html

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30 Comments

    1. I second that, sweet Pink Daisy friend. 🙂 What total affirmation upon returning from She Speaks, as I sense so strongly the call to a message, and simultaneously anticipate starting year one of homeschool (4th & 1st grades) in just four days.

      Tricia, you are my new favorite role model. Thank you.

    2. Heatherly and Krista! I’m GLAD God was able to speak to you through my words. You’ll never regret homeschooling and the relationships you build with your children! God CAN do great things through you!

  1. Tricia is absolutely on the mark, moms! Not only is she an awesome mom and writer, but she truly has a servant’s heart for others. I love this, Tricia:

    “After all, kids learn far more from our lives than from books. You are your child’s teacher … teach them with your life not just your lesson plan.”

    AMEN!

  2. Congratulations! I’m a grandma now homeschooling my last child, a 14 year old girl. When my sons were little I served on staff at a local pregnancy care ministry and they seemed to learn a lot by observing up close the commitment that community work requires. Now in their twenties when many other young adults are searching for the “right” path, one of my boys serves in the ministry and the other serves in the military. I can’t say enough about involving your kids in all aspects of your life, and they really get to see everything when they are homeschooled (my boys were not). Now at this stage, I’m not in outside ministry but one thing my daughter gets to do is help me babysit my little grandbabies one afternoon a week. I think God provides certain opportunities in your life that are tailor made to help mold the children you are rearing at the time. Sometimes, there’s more caught than taught! God bless you for adopting and giving it another go-around to make good use of the wisdom you’ve gained.

    1. I love that, “God provides certain opportunities in your life that are tailor made to help mold the children you are rearing at the time.” So wise. So true. Thank you, God!

  3. Thank You for writing this! So inspirational. Just started homeschool preschool with my kids and have been really wanting to pursue photography. I too have felt the guilt and have pushed aside what I wanted to do for my kids. It’s a struggle, but I’m constantly praying on it. Thank You again, so much.

  4. Amen and amen, Tricia! You already know how much I believe that you are truly a “missional mom”, one who has discovered that God has called us to use our gifts in His service, to further His mission, first and foremost. Absolutely, our children are a big priority for us moms, and we homeschooling moms in particular demonstrate an enormous commitment to our kids. But we can never forget that we must always view our motherhood in the larger context of who God has made us to be. You are an amazing example of someone who has done just that. Blessings to you!

  5. Thank you Tricia,

    This post has spoken volumes to my heart. I feel I’m in a similar boat (only w/o the mass publications : ) in balancing writing and homeschooling. I’m on a writing schedule where I write in the mornings before the kids get up and in the afternoons during their free time, but I do battle guilt. It’s so encouraging to hear a real writer pushed through those feelings to success!

    1. We need to pray and ask if we’re feeling conviction from the Holy Spirit or guilt from the enemy. If we are convicted, we need to pray for God to show us His path. If it’s guilt we need to pray that the enemy’s pestering will be kicked out and Jesus will still our hearts! Hugs to you!

  6. Wow! This article was such a blessing! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m very encouraged in my homeschool journey.

  7. This is beautiful! Thank you. I’m in the “throes” of homeschooling 4 energetic boys ages 8,10,11, & 13 and have many dreams that I’m pursuing as well. I understand when you are speaking of the “guilt.” Thank you for pointing out to us all that we CAN pursue those dreams and use them as a teaching/life lesson tool.

  8. I needed this article. These are things I have felt in my heart but thought I was alone…or missing it. Thank you for articulating this and confirming in my heart that this is God’s will for homeschooling. 🙂

  9. Trisha,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am a young wife & new mom of a 3 month old baby girl. Before I found out I was pregnant, God gave me big dreams & visions for my future and was opening doors left & right. During and after the pregnancy, things slowed down a lot and I have felt a transition into a season of preparation for ministry. This post really encourages me to press on & trust that God can and will use me amidst the busyness of motherhood!

  10. Wow! What an encouragement to me today. I feel like you just fell into step with me to talk and walk me through some of this stage of life. Thank you!

  11. A brilliant post. While my dream is to sit in silence and pass time until baby #3 arrives right now… I do have other things I would love to pursue soon enough 🙂
    Sarah

  12. Thank you. I needed this, especially the last paragraph! Your long-term perspective is so helpful. I easily fall into the trap of feeling that I am not doing enough. But I find this lends to burn-out and exhaustion, not to mention it takes the fun out of learning and life! There must be a more balanced way so that everyone in the family is pursuing, in different degrees, their God-given purpose and dreams. Thank you for the gentle encouragement!

  13. Thank you so much for this! I will be starting to homeschool this year and my biggest fear is that it will suck up all my time and that I will have to put my aspirations on hold. I think that’s the beauty of homeschooling, though. We’re not working at an office all day aside from the kids. We can work beside our children while they learn!

  14. Yeah, but my dream that I gave up to homeschool was to be a champion for public school reform. But then I had children and I couldn’t put my kids in the schools I thought were all wrong. But I couldn’t afford private school. I never finished college because I quit to stay home with my baby, so I can’t get a “real” job that pays enough to bother with. So now I’m 41 and underqualified, but still with a desire to fight for school reform. The school nearest my house is as close to what I desired in a school all along- no grades, no grade levels, no standard curriculum for all children to follow. If I put my kids in it and started volunteering all morning, and if I applied to schools to finish my B.A. and studied in the afternoons, I could maybe really be doing what I’d dreamed of before I’m 50 and my “baby” is in high school.

    It’s a real dilemma for me.

  15. I absolutely believe we should be willing to give up our dreams if that’s what it takes to homeschool. Far too many Christians are pursuing their dreams and throwing their children to the wolves, thereby destroying the #1 most important thing God has called them to do in this life: raising up Godly children.

    However, that doesn’t mean you can’t homeschool and follow your dreams. What I am saying is that all parents, moms and dads, should be willing to lay down every dream in their heart if that is what is necessary to raise up a Godly seed.

    In my case, I have had to lay down my dreams many times in the over 20 years I have homeschooled my kids. My husband refused to lay down his dream (of performing Christian music) and it almost destroyed our marriage (which would in turn have destroyed our family). I chose to stay committed to my marriage for the sake of my kids. I have chosen many times to put aside my dreams to homeschool my children. I have no doubt it was the right thing to do regardless of how it may have made me FEEL.

    I think it is interesting that you felt so much guilt when you were obviously doing a fine job homeschooling your kids. I guess it’s just an experience thing…I actually spend very little time homeschooling my children anymore. I have two grown children I homeschooled through high school – one has a Master’s degree and moved out only last year at the age of 26 and my 23-year old has a Bachelor’s degree and (praise God!) still lives at home. He is a delight.

    My 17-year old and 9-year old sons are still home-schooled though the 17-year old is dual-enrolled at the community college where he gets most of his “schooling.” I spend less than an hour a day with the 9-year old but he is doing great. Having homeschooled over 20 years I’ve gotten quite good at figuring out what my kids really need and it’s not spelling lists and busy work. I often shake my heads at newbie homeschoolers spending hours a day on homeschooling so they can fit in every subject – but they will have to learn for themselves.

    Back to dreams…I have gone back to school to finish a college degree I started over 30 years ago. I launched a homeschooling website a year ago…and hope to write a book sometime in the next few years. I already have a title and format in my head but I’m too busy with other responsibilities right now to get it going. Since not a single one of us knows what tomorrow holds all I can say is it is a goal and if it happens, that will be nice and if not, probably in the eternal scope of things it’s not all that significant. Perhaps that’s the most important things Christians should think of – in the eternal scope of things how important is this dream I’m chasing? Am I neglecting the eternal things (my children’s souls) for the sake of temporary adulation. Don’t hold tight to this world…but on the other hand, if what you are doing is enriching your children…then you’re probably on the right track.

  16. Great article! When I was trying to decide whether to homeschool, I was confused because I knew God had called me to be a writer and a speaker. I couldn’t figure out how I could do it all. Then I realized that if God had called me to do it all, He would equip me to do it all. And He has.

    Today if I had to give up something it would be my writing or speaking, but not homeschooling. What an incredible blessing it is and even more that God has given me the opportunity to do everything I love. Thanks for the reminder about guilt! 🙂

  17. Wow… Reading your thoughts just now was as if I was given a direct answer from God. I have a passion for writing and photography and have just started doing those (on purpose) just recently. I also have a passion to homeschool my daughter and have just started that as well.

    I went to 2 different workshops for writing this month and for both I was exhilarated and excited but also very guilt ridden. Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving me permission to follow the dreams I have, dreams given to me by God. Thanks for being that light that we all need sometimes.

    I pray each day you are blessed beyond your comprehension to understand.

    God Bless,
    Carri

  18. Thank you, thank you! I spend a lot of time sitting in front of my computer feeling guilty, reading textbooks (for me) and feeling guilty. My children are getting the best of both worlds! I read your blog, follow you on FB & Twiiter, and always feel encouraged by your words. Of course, I read your books, too :-).

  19. I love when God puts something in my path early in the morning that I SO need read. Thank you. I’ve been homeschooling for 13+ years and can relate to scheduling down to every 15 minutes. I just started school this past May and had guilt come chew on me as I work on school and growing my new business, holistic health counselor, but through my work I want to become involved with WIC to help getting healthy eating habits to women and their babies. Your words are very encouraging to me. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.

  20. THANK YOU! I get the guilt trip, sadly, from my hubby:(. I want so badly to do some type of foreign missions/or stateside…and I always get “after we focus on raising/homeschooling our kids”…but i feel the same way as you!! Could use prayers!:) THANKS again!

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